College. When did college become a reality, something that I had to apply to? It was one thing to go visit colleges (where I saw everyone as significantly older than me), but quite another to click the submit button on my application. There I was, approaching 18 years old, and sending out a document that could very well map out my entire future. No pressure. I convinced myself that the application warranted another review after a quick snack break, so I snapped my laptop shot. I went into the kitchen, stepping over the SAT and ACT books that I was trying to auction off to juniors via Facebook, and needless to say, my application was delayed yet another day.
This year was not going as I expected it to. Instead of feeling excited for college as I had been throughout my entire high school career, I rejected thoughts of the future. I wasn’t ready to leave behind what I’d worked for over the past twelve years. My reputation, my friends, my activities. And that wasn’t all I had to worry about. What if I didn’t get into the “right” college? Or even worse, what if someone else did? How could a college fully appreciate me from a stack of papers? Then there was the eternal decision of versus regular. Oy. This option steps the stakes up: “Sure, you might THINK you want to go to my school,” it mocks, “but if you change your mind, then, HA! We’ve got you!” Bless those rolling admission schools.
There are so many decisions to be made through this process and I know I’m old enough to be making them. I want to be free, to leave my house and spread my wings (and fly! What’s a blog without a handy cliché?). But something holds me back. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to let go of the security of childhood. There is a part of me that is so afraid of the uncertainness of the future. Needless to say, two months into senior year and I am already an emotional train wreck.
–Suzanne Zakaria (Note: Suzanne is a senior at Strath Haven High School in Wallingford PA. We will keep you posted on her admissions progress.)